AITA For Thanking Dad For Waiting To Date?
Hey everyone! So, I'm here to get your thoughts on something that happened recently and see if I'm the AITA in this situation. My dad has been single for quite a while – since my mom passed away several years ago. It’s been tough on all of us, but we’ve been trying to navigate this new normal as best we can. My siblings and I have always been close to our dad, and we appreciate everything he’s done for us, especially after losing our mom.
The Backstory
Let's dive into the backstory, guys. My mom passed away about five years ago after a long battle with illness. It was a difficult time for our family, and my dad really stepped up to keep things together. He was not only grieving himself but also trying to support my siblings and me through our own grief. He put his own feelings aside to make sure we were okay, and I'll always be grateful for that. For years, his focus has been solely on us – ensuring we were doing well in school, helping us with our personal problems, and just being there for us in general. He never really talked about dating or even hinted at the possibility, which we understood and appreciated. We knew he was still healing, and we wanted him to take all the time he needed.
As my siblings and I have gotten older, we've started moving out and building our own lives. I recently moved into my own apartment, and my younger siblings are in college, living in dorms. With us out of the house, my dad has a lot more free time. He’s mentioned feeling lonely, which is completely understandable. We’ve encouraged him to pursue his hobbies and interests, and we’ve also gently suggested that he might want to think about dating again when he feels ready. We want him to be happy, and we know that having a companion could really improve his quality of life.
Recently, my dad told us that he's started seeing someone. We were all really happy for him! He seemed excited and nervous, and it was great to see him smiling and feeling hopeful again. We met his new girlfriend, and she seems lovely. She’s kind, intelligent, and shares many of the same interests as my dad. It’s clear that they have a genuine connection, and we’re all really rooting for them. After hearing about his new relationship, I felt a wave of gratitude towards my dad. He had waited until all his children were out of the house and more settled in their own lives before even considering dating again. This meant a lot to me because it showed that he had prioritized our emotional well-being during a very vulnerable time.
The Thank You
So, I decided to thank him for waiting. I told him how much it meant to me that he had put our feelings first and how grateful I was that he had given us the time and space to grieve and adjust before introducing someone new into our lives. I thought it was a heartfelt and appreciative gesture, but his reaction was a bit surprising. My dad seemed a little uncomfortable and said that he had just been doing what any parent would do. He downplayed his actions, saying that it wasn’t a big deal and that he hadn’t really been thinking about dating until recently anyway. This made me wonder if I had made a mistake by thanking him. Was it weird of me to express my gratitude in this way? Did I make him feel awkward or guilty for waiting? I’m not sure, but his reaction has definitely left me questioning whether I did the right thing.
The Situation
The situation unfolded like this: we were having a family dinner, and my dad had just shared some details about his new relationship. Everyone was happy and supportive, and the atmosphere was really positive. It felt like the right moment to express my gratitude. I said something along the lines of, “Dad, I just wanted to say thank you for waiting until we were all out of the house and settled before you started dating again. It means a lot to me that you put our feelings first.” His face changed slightly, and he gave a sort of dismissive wave of his hand, saying, “Oh, it was nothing. I was just being a dad.” He then quickly changed the subject, which made me feel like I had touched on something sensitive or made him uncomfortable.
Later, I talked to my siblings about it, and they had mixed reactions. One of my siblings thought it was a sweet thing to say and that Dad was just being humble. The other sibling thought it was a bit odd and that I might have inadvertently made Dad feel like he needed our permission to date. This difference in opinion has further confused me, and that's why I'm turning to you all for advice. I genuinely meant my thank you as a heartfelt expression of gratitude, but now I’m worried that I might have inadvertently made the situation awkward or uncomfortable for my dad. I really value my relationship with him, and I would never want to do anything that might hurt his feelings or make him feel guilty.
The Dilemma
This is where the dilemma really hits me, you know? On the one hand, I felt like I was expressing genuine gratitude for my dad’s consideration and sensitivity. It truly meant a lot to me that he waited until we were all in a more stable place before re-entering the dating world. I wanted him to know that I appreciated his selflessness and the sacrifices he made for us. It felt important to acknowledge his efforts and let him know that his actions hadn't gone unnoticed. However, on the other hand, I'm worried that my words might have inadvertently put pressure on him or made him feel like he needed our approval to move on with his life. I certainly didn't intend to do that, and the thought that I might have done so is really bothering me. I want my dad to be happy, and I want him to feel free to pursue his own interests and relationships without feeling like he's being judged or scrutinized by his children.
The core of my concern is whether my expression of gratitude was appropriate or if it crossed a line into being presumptuous or even a little bit controlling. Did I overstep by thanking him for a decision that was ultimately his to make? Should I have kept my feelings to myself and simply offered my support for his new relationship without mentioning his past choices? These are the questions swirling in my mind, and I'm finding it hard to come to a clear conclusion. I value my dad's happiness above all else, and the last thing I want to do is create any unnecessary stress or guilt for him. I'm hoping that by sharing my story and hearing your perspectives, I can gain some clarity and better understand the impact of my words.
AITA?
So, AITA for thanking my dad for waiting until my siblings and I were out of the house before dating again? Was it a thoughtful gesture, or did I overstep? I'm genuinely looking for honest opinions and perspectives here. Thanks in advance for your insights!
I'm really looking for some honest feedback here. Was it a nice thing to say, or did I put my foot in it? What do you guys think?
So, tell me, AITA?
Some Additional Questions
To give you guys a clearer picture, here are a few additional questions I've been pondering:
- Could my thank you have inadvertently implied that I felt entitled to have a say in my dad's dating life? This is a big concern for me. I never wanted to give the impression that I thought he needed our permission to date, but I worry that my words might have come across that way.
- Was it insensitive of me to bring up the past when my dad is trying to move forward with his new relationship? I didn't intend to dwell on the past, but I wonder if mentioning his waiting period was a mistake. Should I have focused solely on the present and his current happiness?
- How can I address this with my dad if I did make him uncomfortable? If I did inadvertently cause some discomfort, I want to make amends. What's the best way to approach this conversation and reassure him that I only want his happiness?
I appreciate you taking the time to read my story and consider my questions. Any advice or insights you can offer would be greatly appreciated!
