Feedback Don'ts: Key Things To Avoid When Giving Feedback

Giving feedback is a crucial skill in any business environment, whether you're a manager, a team member, or even a client. It’s the cornerstone of growth, improvement, and strong working relationships. But let's be real, guys, giving feedback isn't always easy. There's a fine line between constructive criticism and just plain criticism, and crossing that line can damage morale and productivity. So, what should you avoid when providing feedback? Let’s dive into it!

The Golden Rule of Feedback: It's About Them, But Starts With You

When we talk about providing effective feedback, the most important thing to remember is that it should be about growth and improvement, not about placing blame. Option A, “Talking first about the other person, not yourself,” hits a major pitfall. Think of it this way: if you launch straight into what someone else did wrong without setting the stage, they're immediately going to get defensive. Their walls go up, and suddenly, they're not listening to your message anymore; they're just formulating a rebuttal. This is a common mistake that can make feedback sessions uncomfortable and unproductive. Instead of starting with a laundry list of someone else's shortcomings, focus on framing the conversation around your own perspective and observations.

Constructive feedback starts with you. It's about how you perceived a situation, how you were impacted, and what you think could be improved. For example, instead of saying, "You always miss deadlines," which is accusatory and broad, try something like, "I noticed that the last project was submitted a few days late, and it impacted my ability to complete my tasks on time. What challenges did you face in meeting the deadline?" See the difference? The second approach is softer, more understanding, and opens the door for a real discussion. When you use “I” statements, you own your perspective and avoid making the other person feel attacked. This is super important for maintaining a positive and collaborative environment. It shows that you are not just pointing fingers, but that you are invested in finding solutions together. Plus, when you talk about your own experience, you're modeling vulnerability, which can encourage the other person to be more open and receptive to feedback. You're creating a safe space for a dialogue, not a monologue of criticism. This is the foundation of truly effective feedback, the kind that leads to positive change and stronger working relationships. Remember, feedback is a gift, but it needs to be presented in the right way to be received as such. So, starting with yourself is key to making that gift meaningful and impactful.

Speaking Your Truth: The Power of "I"

Option B, “Speaking for yourself, not for anyone else,” is spot on! When you're giving feedback, it's your perspective that matters. It's about your experience, your observations, and your suggestions. Avoid speaking on behalf of others or making sweeping generalizations. This is where the power of "I" statements comes into play again. Instead of saying, "Everyone thinks your presentation was confusing," try, "I found the presentation a bit difficult to follow in some areas. Could we discuss how to make it clearer next time?" This approach is far less confrontational and more likely to lead to a productive conversation.

Personal feedback is about your individual perception and understanding. Guys, remember, everyone experiences things differently, so what might be clear to one person could be confusing to another. Speaking for yourself means you're not trying to impose a universal truth, but rather sharing your unique viewpoint. This fosters trust and encourages the other person to see things from your perspective. It also avoids the trap of hearsay or assumptions. When you speak for others, you might be misrepresenting their views, which can create unnecessary conflict and mistrust. Stick to what you know and what you've personally observed. This is about being authentic and transparent in your communication. Speaking for yourself is also about taking ownership of your feedback. It shows that you're willing to stand by your observations and engage in a constructive dialogue. This can be particularly important in a team setting, where open and honest communication is crucial for success. When you speak your truth, you're contributing to a culture of transparency and trust, where everyone feels comfortable sharing their perspectives and working together to improve.

Asking for Change: The Goal of Feedback

Option C, “Asking for the change you would like to see,” is a crucial part of the feedback process. What's the point of giving feedback if you're not hoping for a positive change? This doesn't mean you should be demanding or dictatorial, but you should be clear about what you'd like to see differently in the future. Be specific and actionable. Instead of saying, "You need to be more proactive," which is vague and difficult to implement, try, "I'd like to see you take the initiative on project updates by sending out weekly progress reports." This gives the person a concrete action to take, making it much easier for them to improve. Requesting feedback can also be framed as a collaborative effort. It's not just about you telling them what to do, but about working together to find solutions. You might say, "I'm suggesting weekly progress reports because I think it will help us all stay on the same page. What are your thoughts on this? Do you have any other ideas?" This opens the door for a discussion and allows the other person to contribute their own suggestions. The purpose of feedback is to foster growth and improvement, and that can't happen if you're not clear about the desired outcome. Asking for change is not about control; it's about progress. It's about setting expectations and working together to achieve common goals. When you clearly articulate the change you want to see, you're providing a roadmap for the other person to follow. You're giving them the tools they need to succeed. This is what makes feedback truly effective and transformative. So, don't shy away from asking for change, but do it in a way that is respectful, collaborative, and focused on the future.

Context is King: Setting the Stage for Feedback

Option D, “Describing the context,” is another essential element of effective feedback. Before you dive into the specifics, take a moment to set the scene. Explain the situation or circumstances that led to your feedback. This helps the other person understand where you're coming from and why you're giving the feedback in the first place. Without context, feedback can feel random, unfair, or even personal. Imagine receiving feedback without any understanding of the situation – it's like trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces. You need the full picture to make sense of it. For example, if you're giving feedback on a presentation, you might start by saying, "I wanted to talk about your presentation today. Overall, I thought it was well-researched and engaging. However, there were a couple of areas where I felt the message could have been clearer…" By starting with the positive and then setting the context, you're creating a more receptive environment for the feedback that follows.

Situational feedback gives the feedback meaning and relevance. Guys, it helps the person connect the dots and understand how their actions impacted the situation. It also prevents misunderstandings and defensiveness. When you describe the context, you're showing that you've taken the time to think about the situation carefully and that your feedback is based on specific observations, not just vague impressions. This adds credibility to your feedback and makes it more likely to be taken seriously. Describing the context also involves being specific about the time, place, and circumstances surrounding the event. The more details you provide, the clearer the picture becomes. This doesn't mean you should dwell on the past or rehash old grievances, but it does mean you should provide enough information so the person can understand the situation from your perspective. Context is the foundation upon which effective feedback is built. It's the bridge that connects your observations to the other person's understanding. So, always take the time to set the stage before you deliver your feedback – it's an investment that will pay off in the long run.

The Verdict: What to AVOID

So, after breaking down each option, it's clear that the answer is A. Talking first about the other person, not yourself. Remember, feedback is most effective when it's delivered with empathy, clarity, and a focus on positive change. Start with yourself, speak your truth, ask for specific changes, and always provide context. By avoiding the pitfall of immediately focusing on the other person's flaws, you'll create a more constructive and collaborative feedback environment. Keep these tips in mind, and you'll be well on your way to giving feedback that truly makes a difference!